Stronger Without Them
by evergreen-scarlett
Summary: This is my first fan fic...it's centered around the love triangle between Terri, Charlotte and Jack, but I threw some Vincent in there too because I love him! Anyway it's no literary masterpiece but I would really appreciate any feedback-and thanks to ev
1. Symptoms

Terri Sullivan sighed as she opened the door to the office she shared with Frank. She wasn't in the mood for work today—all night she'd been restless. Expecting to find Frank seated grumpily at his desk, she prepared herself for a weary "Hi, Frank", but was pleasantly surprised to find the room empty. She dropped into a chair, briefly glancing at the small mound of paperwork on her desk and ignoring it. The soft morning light filtered in through the window and she decided to go and grab a coffee.

Charlotte stirred the instant coffee around aimlessly, brooding. She _had_ to tell Terri that she'd slept with Jack. Terri was her friend and her colleague, and she deserved to know. It was easy enough to say "Hey, I screwed your boyfriend", but it was so much harder to deal with the aftermath: the tears, silences and hot-tempered discussions. As if on cue, Terri suddenly breezed through the door of the nurse's sunroom, closing it quietly behind her.

"Morning Charlotte," she said, yawning.

"Had a bad night?" the blonde doctor replied, the irony of her words weighing heavily in her mind. Terri nodded.

"The worst...I turned Jack down again, then found myself alone with a migraine." she grimaced, rubbing her temples. Charlotte took a deep breath.

"Actually, Terri, I wanted to tell you something," she began, fiddling with her teaspoon. Terri looked up from the steaming water she was pouring into the mug.

"Last night...look, I know this can't sound good, but I have to tell you now, otherwise I'll regret it," Charlotte said quickly. Terri said nothing, but her eyes were sympathetic and Charlotte wanted to hug her. She suddenly seemed so naïve.

"We had a few drinks together, then we went home and...slept together."

"Who's 'we'?" asked Terri reluctantly, although she already knew. She had a sick feeling in the bottom of her stomach. Charlotte swallowed.

"Jack and I." she answered. Terri's blue eyes were suddenly hostile. Charlotte wondered how they could show so much emotion: Terri's eyes gave away so much of what she was thinking.

"Listen, I know that you're probably going to slap me right now...but were off our faces and we didn't know what we were doing," Charlotte pleaded, her coffee forgotten. Terri looked away.

"Do you think that makes it any easier?" she said quietly. Charlotte didn't answer. Both women were silent.

"That's what I thought," Terri murmured, half to herself, and strode quickly out of the sunroom, leaving Charlotte to slouch in her chair.

Charlotte pressed the ground floor button in the elevator. The doors began to close but Jack leaped through boyishly. Charlotte seemed unamused and vague.

"Listen, Charlotte...are we okay?" She didn't respond at first.

"I told Terri." she said, without thinking.

"What?"

"I told Terri that we slept together." Charlotte repeated, her voice even. Jack sighed.

"I thought we agreed—"

"We didn't agree anything, Jack.," she snapped. The two were silent for a moment.

"How did she take it?" Jack asked, concerned. Charlotte was irritated.

"She didn't yell or anything, she just seemed...I don't know, disappointed. I felt so ashamed. I haven't seen her since." The elevator doors opened and both stepped out.

"Hey Jack," Charlotte said. "Let's just leave things as they are, okay? It was a one-off and I'm over it." Her voice was light enough, but her eyes were stubborn and Jack felt hurt.

"We can be friends, right?" he asked as she turned to walk toward the cafeteria.

"Sure." she answered, but he didn't believe her.

Terri was staring into space when the door opened. Thinking it was Frank, she pretended to be busy, until she heard the voice.

"Terri?" She stood up quickly, arms crossed over her chest in defence.

"What do you want, Jack?" she said tiredly.

"Um..."

"This had better be a business visit, because if it's personal, I don't want to talk about it," she said impassively. For once, her eyes showed no expression, just a deep blue, and Jack fought off the urge to embrace her.

"Actually, I wanted to say sorry," he apologised. Terri shook her head.

"That's the thing—both you and Charlotte seem to think that you'll make it okay if you say sorry, or give me some crappy excuse." she spat, struggling to keep her voice toneless. Jack said nothing. Charlotte was right: Terri _had_ made him feel ashamed. She'd be a good teacher, he thought.

"It's not going to work, Jack. We're not going to work," she added, turning away from him. She didn't want to let him see the tears gathering in her eyes. Jack nodded and closed the door quietly behind him. As soon as Terri knew he was gone, she slumped down between her desk and the wall and gave her body over to the sobs.

Frank walked toward his office, thinking. If he asked Terri to look after Kathleen again, he could go to the meeting, be home by eight and everything would be worked out. _Yeah, that's what I'll do_, he thought. _Ask Terri to look after Kathleen. She'll do it_. He pushed open the door of his office.

"Terri, I—"He stopped. She was sitting on the floor in the gap between her desk and the wall, shuddering.

"Terri?" He asked worriedly. She didn't even look up at him. Her body was rigid, leaning against the wall. Black mascara tracks wore down her cheeks. He walked slowly over to where she was hunched over and extended a hand. She took it gratefully and stood up.

"Sorry," she said softly, looking down.

"Are you okay?" He asked. She didn't respond, instead grabbing a couple of tissues and wiping the black mascara stains from her face.

"I'm sorry...I'll keep my personal life separate from now on," she said, her voice cracking.

"I think you'd better," Frank answered, but his eyes were empathetic. "I won't ask you what this is about, then?"

"No," Terri answered, smiling in spite of herself. "Please don't."

Terri stood in the carpark, waiting for her taxi. In one hand she held her handbag, in the other she held a cup of coffee.

"Terri, can we talk?" Charlotte asked, pulling her hair off her face. Terri shrugged noncommittally.

"Look, I'm so sorry. If I'd known what I was doing—well, I would have stopped."

"Once again, that doesn't make it any better from my point of view." Terri replied coldly. Charlotte exhaled deeply.

"I know, I know. But I just want things to be the same as they were. Can't we just be friends over this?" she asked.

"I don't know." Terri said as the taxi pulled up. "Maybe in ten years' time I'll look back on this and laugh, and we'll be best friends then. But not today." She'd cut Charlotte to the bone with her words. _It's the least I deserve_, Charlotte thought, consumed by guilt. The taxi driver glanced in the rear-view mirror at his passenger.

"She was a pretty girl, that blonde one," he said, making conversation. "She a friend of yours?"

"No," Terri said shakily. "Just a colleague."

The alarm was piercing and Terri reached to shut it off. She opened one eye sleepily and then remembered everything that had happened the previous day. She wanted to shut her eyes again, but instead she ran a hot shower, letting the water wash away her trepidation and anger. _It's got to get better every day,_ she thought. _Yesterday was the shock and depression, and today I just have to get back to where I was. Concentrate on work_. She skipped breakfast and hailed another taxi, with a pang. No more early morning rides to work from Jack.

The day dragged on. Terri, Jack and Charlotte avoided each other uncomfortably. Charlotte was still stinging from Terri's words last night. Jack was confused about who he had feelings for—or was it neither of them? Terri was in a sort of numbness. She continued her work, busier than ever, filling the empty spaces in her head with medical charts and patient names. She felt particular sympathy toward one of their patients, Susanna Beauchanon, who was nine weeks pregnant and miscarrying. There weren't any beds in Maternity so Terri took to mothering her, visiting her room at frequent intervals.

"Is there anyone I can phone for you? Husband or partner?"

"My husband's in the Navy," Susanna answered, her voice almost a whisper. "I don't know how to contact him at the moment. He usually rings me once a week." She began to cry quietly. Terri took her hand and squeezed it.

"Don't worry, Susanna. Things will be okay."

"It's just...I'm losing everything, I just want everything to be well again." she sobbed. Terri nodded.

"It's okay. Everything will be all right. You'll see. The baby will be fine and you'll be fine." Drifting off to sleep, Susanna took a shaky breath.

"You think so?" she said drowsily.

"Of course. Try not to move too much," Terri answered and let go of her hand suddenly, surprised to find Vincent Hughes in the doorway with an obstetrician.

"Terri, can I speak to you for a moment? In your office?" Terri nodded wordlessly.

Vincent closed the door behind them.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, arms crossed.

"What was _what_?" She asked, bewildered. Vincent rolled his eyes.

"You know just as well as I do that Susanna will lose that baby. There's nothing we can do about it," he said. "You can't lie to a patient like that. Her baby will not survive." Terri felt the anger rising in her throat.

"I wasn't lying to her! I just wanted to reassure her. It's called _compassion_, Vincent, something you obviously know nothing about." She cried. He sighed, rubbing his temples and struggling to keep an even temper. He tried a different approach.

"Terri, have you ever miscarried?" he guessed. She looked up, and then away.

"What does that have to do with anything?" she snapped. He didn't respond and it was her turn to calm her temper.

"Yes. Once. It was Mitch's baby." She said quietly. Her eyes filled with tears and her chest tightened. "But that's not the point, is it?" Vincent shrugged.

"She doesn't have anyone there to look after her and tell her it'll be okay. And sometimes I think, when things happen to me..." her voice was muffled, suddenly, in his embrace. "...That I don't have anyone like that either," she sobbed. She pulled away, embarrassed, hoping Frank wouldn't walk through the door.

"I'm sorry," she said, almost hyperventilating. Her shoulders slumped forward in exhaustion. "'I've had a bad week." Her voice caught and she fought back a new wave of tears that threatened to fall. Vincent wanted to hug her again but he pulled himself back.

"Why don't you go home and get some sleep," he suggested. She nodded, taking a deep breath. With a hand on the door handle, Vincent turned around.

"By the way, I don't have anyone either, Terri." he said without consideration.

"Then I think...I think we should stick together," she said, surprising herself. She picked up her handbag and walked toward the elevator with Vincent.

Once he'd driven her home, Terri invited Vincent in.

"So I guess Jack's a no-go anymore?" he asked lightly. Terri was surprised that he hadn't heard: she would have thought that he'd heard all about Charlotte's one-night-stand with Jack, but obviously not.

"Don't even talk about it," she answered, smiling. The two stood opposite one another.

"So...you want something to eat?" she asked finally.

"Nah, I'm not hungry," he answered, a grin appearing on his face.

"Neither am I." she said. She hadn't eaten all day, but still had no particular desire for food. She remembered feeling the same when Mitch had died. Lack of appetite. She shook her head to herself and let Vincent remove her jacket, then her shirt. She unbuckled his belt and they rolled over on to the couch. Suddenly she stopped, breathing hard.

"Vincent, I...I can't do this," she admitted, sitting up.

"Can't, or don't want to do this?" he asked sharply. _Both,_ she thought, instantly regretting having invited him in.

"I just...I want us to be special," she said softly, feeling light-headed. "This isn't how it's meant to be."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll just let you go finish writing the script," Vincent said sarcastically. "Terri, you need to let go of him sometime. He's not here. Can't you move on?" Terri buttoned her shirt furiously.

"You wouldn't have any bloody idea, would you? Get out!" She yelled.

"Of course I have an idea. I've had a dead partner, too, you know, I'm not completely unfeeling. I just think it's time for you to move on. It's been what, two years?"

"Get out!" Terri yelled manically as Vincent walked toward the door. Once he was gone, she locked it carefully. Running to the shower again, she locked the bathroom door, choked on the steam, and cried.

Vincent looked at his watch. There'd be time to get Terri a present before work. What had he bought Charlotte when she was pissed off with him? Flowers? It needed to be more special than that. But without inspiration, he bought a bunch of orchids, and sat in the hospital carpark waiting for her. He watched a couple of taxis pull up, one after another, each time hoping it would be her. Finally he glanced at his watch. He was going to be late. Just as he was about to leave the flowers in the car, he saw her small figure stepping out of a taxi. He strode quickly toward her, holding the flowers by his side in one hand.

"Terri?" he asked tentatively. She glanced at him quickly, but kept walking.

"Terri, wait," he said again and this time she stopped short.

"What, Vincent?" she asked numbly. Ever since last night, she'd felt nothing. She had no particular desire to go to work and keep busy, but no desire to stay in bed either. She didn't even really feel cross with Vincent anymore, or Charlotte, or Jack. She was just so tired, and sick of them all. She wasn't in the mood to stop and chat.

"I just wanted to say sorry. For last night." he said quickly, handing her the flowers. She looked slightly embarrassed, and looked around herself quickly. "I was just...bad-tempered and tired. I'm sorry." He added. Terri's face suddenly softened, but not like he'd expected. She looked almost ill, as though she would cry. Dark rings had formed under her eyes.

"Vincent, last night after you left I felt more hurt than I had in a long time. Can't you just leave me alone?" she asked, almost pleading.

"I'm sorry," he said again but she shook her head furiously.

"I just want to concentrate on work and what's important at the moment. It was the wrong time to try anything new." she said quietly, still clutching the orchids. He nodded and she wordlessly walked away, across the carpark, leaving him standing alone. She kept her gaze down, staring at the ground as she walked so nobody could see the fresh tears forming in her eyes. And Vincent couldn't warn her until it was too late. The sickening sound of screeching brakes and a woman's scream reverberated around the carpark.

Vincent watched blankly, unable to move, as the Emergency staff attended to Terri's injuries. He didn't want to assist them; he felt physically sick. Turning away, he heard something about a ruptured spleen. He heard someone whisper 'damage'. Charlotte, also, stood back, seemingly paralysed. It was unlike her and if he'd had the strength, Vincent would have gone to comfort her. But instead, he stood and watched as Frank ordered people around. For once, he put all his trust and faith in Frank, and sank down onto the floor.

Terri stirred and tugged at the oxygen mask over her face, like a spider web. Von immediately stood up from the chair next to Terri where she'd been seated.

"It's okay, Terri. You're in All Saints hospital. You've been in an accident." she said, pressing the buzzer. Jack was there within seconds.

"Terri? How do you feel?" he asked, studying her face. She was pale and her body seemed so small and emaciated in the hospital bed. He didn't expect her to answer.

"Get out." She said, almost inaudibly.

"What did you say?" he asked, concerned.

"I said, get out. Please leave, Jack, I don't want to see you. Or Charlotte, or Vincent. Tell them all to go away." She gasped and sank back, exhausted, onto her pillow. Her breathing was rapid and shallow and Von replaced the oxygen mask on her face. Terri didn't stir.

"I suggest you leave." Von said mildly. "I don't know what you did to get her this angry but I'd suggest you leave."

"But...I'm her doctor," Jack said, looking hurt.

"Oh, for Chrissake, Jack." snapped Von, and he left, just as Vincent entered. Terri was asleep again, her breath catching as though she were crying.

"How is she?"

"I'm not sure. She just requested that neither you, Charlotte or Jack see her, though." Von shrugged harmlessly and Vincent rubbed his temples.

_What had he done? _


	2. Hopeless Crimes

Charlotte rinsed her coffee cup absently and set it to dry. Glancing at her watch, she sat down hard in her chair in the staff lounge, her mind spinning in a numb kind of shock. She stared hard at the pregnancy test, proudly displaying the positive sign. She felt almost repulsed by it; her mind was blank. She'd taken the test, but only as a precaution. She hadn't had any of the classic symptoms—no morning sickness, lethargy, fainting spells, mood swings...maybe the test was faulty. It couldn't be right. Sure, she was 'late', but couldn't there be some other explanation? She shook her head, almost to herself, just as Vincent walked in. Quickly, she picked up the test and shoved it into the depths of her handbag.

"Morning, Charlotte," he said, sitting down across from her. "You okay?"

"Of course...why? Do I not look okay?" she asked, putting a hand to her forehead_. It can't be _that_ obvious_, she thought, panicking.

"Yeah, you look fine. It's just, usually by this time in the morning you're bossing people around, not sitting in here alone," he said, grinning. Her tension eased slightly and there was a thick, comfortable silence between them.

"You know Terri's going to be discharged today," he said finally. Charlotte shrugged.

"Char...can I ask you something?" Vincent asked.

"Shoot," she answered, her mind wandering to the test in her handbag. _I'll buy another one, _she thought. _Obviously they're not as accurate as I thought_.

"What happened between you and Terri? I mean, you two were good friends, right? And now, she's specifically asking not to be treated by you, Jack and me. I can sort of understand the Jack thing, but you and Terri were close...why won't she be treated by you?" Charlotte looked up. She so badly wanted to tell him, to have him there as a friend when everyone else seemed so distant.

"Vincent, I—"

"What?"

"Doesn't matter," she said, changing her mind. "I really don't know why Terri's pissed off with me. And what about you? Why is she refusing to see you?" she asked, changing the subject, though she _was_ interested to know. Vincent rubbed his temples and sighed.

"Charlotte...you can't tell anyone this, okay? But the night before Terri's accident, we..."

"Ended up in bed having wild, passionate sex?" she shrieked, like an excited teenager. He rolled his eyes.

"Not quite. But I drove her home and we sort of got caught up in the moment...then she wanted to stop," he looked guilty. "I made a few comments about her having to let Mitch go."

"Oh, Vincent, for God's sake," Charlotte said softly, her voice sympathetic.

"But Charlotte...you know she was in tears the other day remembering when she lost Mitch's child? Honestly...I think she's making herself sick. It's not healthy to live like that," he said and Charlotte reached over to hug him.

"It'll be okay. Everyone's just having a bit of a sh!t time at the moment," she said. Internally, she was stinging. Terri had obviously only used Vincent because she was upset that night—she hadn't thought Terri would be the type to use a man. And there was so much else to worry about...

"Terri!" Vincent called across the carpark. She glanced at him quickly, and then looked away, as though it hurt her to see his face. He walked quickly toward her. "Who's taking you home?"

"I'm getting a taxi," she answered. She looked weak standing there. Like a gust of wind could knock her over.

"But you're only just out of hospital," he said. "Let me drive you home. Believe me, it's not fun going home to an empty house." She considered it briefly, but shook her head.

"I don't think..." she laughed, almost bitterly. "I know it's a cliché, but I really can't look at you the same way as I did before." He studied her face, still slightly bruised, and a cut above her right eye confirmed she wasn't healed fully yet.

"I don't know what else to say, Terri. I'm so sorry. Will you just let me take you home? I worry about you like this," he admitted.

"Okay," she said. Immediately he saw he'd almost bullied her into it. She sat quietly in the passenger seat next to him as they drove back to her house.

"Thanks for the lift, Vincent," she said. He parked outside her house, turning the ignition off.

"That's okay," he answered. "Let me help you with your stuff." He carried her bag to the door and waited while she unlocked it. Sunlight flooded the hallway.

"Do you want in for a coffee?" she asked. He checked his watch.

"Thanks, that'd be great," he said gratefully. "I need a caffeine fix." He followed her into the kitchen.

"Had a bad day?" she suggested, busying herself with the coffee. He nodded.

"Just so busy. And Charlotte's acting weird," he said, surprising himself. Mostly there was a sort of unspoken confidentiality between him and Charlotte, but he needed to tell someone. And Terri didn't exactly seem the gossiping type.

"Oh?" she answered stiffly. Her back was turned but he could see her shoulders being drawn up; the way she almost shut herself down. She made it impossible to talk to her like this. Vincent walked up slowly behind Terri. She turned around quickly, handing him a steaming mug.

"Hope you like it strong," she said absently.

"Terri, I have to ask you something," he began. He expected her to brush off his questions, just as Charlotte had done earlier that day. She wrapped her hands around the coffee mug, as if for warmth.

"I can understand why wouldn't be treated by Jack. Presumably because you'd just broken up, right?" Terri said nothing. "But why wouldn't you see Charlotte? I thought you two got on well," Vincent continued. Terri put her mug down on the bench and stared at him hard. She felt almost faint.

"Haven't you heard, Vincent? For God's sake, I thought everyone knew," she cried, shuddering.

"What?" he asked. She felt something not unlike pity for him. He was really caught in the middle of all this but now she knew he'd side with Charlotte. It was almost like a little kid's playground battle. It hurt her to have to tell him the truth.

"Jack and Charlotte slept together. The night that I broke up with him," she said, without emotion. "They were both drunk." Vincent stared at her for a moment, the shock registering on his face. Finally he rubbed his forehead in his hands and sighed. He looked up at Terri, who was leaning against the bench, as if for support. She suddenly seemed so fragile and vulnerable and he wondered what she'd done to deserve all this. He reached for her and they curled in a strong embrace. She pulled away and he saw tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Hey, hey..." he said. With one finger, he traced the outline of a still-purple bruise on her cheek. She flinched slightly against his touch but didn't attempt to stop him. Carefully, he led her to the couch, the same one they'd lay on only a few nights ago.

He continued to trace his finger over her face, down her neck and began to fiddle with the buttons on her shirt...she grasped his hand by the wrist and inhaled deeply, inhaling his scent.

"Stop," she whispered, eyes closed. "This is so wrong." Vincent pulled away and the two sat up simultaneously, side-by-side on the couch. Terri held her head in her hands and continued to breathe deep, and she stood up.

"Come on, Terri. We've got nothing to lose any more," he said.

"We've got everything to lose," she said. "Our jobs, our friends, our reputations...my respect for you," she added softly, feeling light-headed. She'd felt like that, occasionally, ever since the accident. She stumbled blindly, half-falling back onto the couch where Vincent stroked her hair.

"Are you okay?" he asked, glancing at her white face.

"A little dizzy. I haven't even had any alcohol." she leaned her head against his chest.

"Of course not..._sure_ you haven't had any alcohol..." he mocked.

"Dr. Hughes! What kind of a woman do you think I am?" They laughed comfortably. Closing her eyes in the fading light, she gave herself over to him, wordlessly. He seemed to understand; no verbal communication seemed appropriate. There were just too many words and not enough time to tell each other everything.

Charlotte sat down hard at her kitchen table, surveying the scene in front of her. Three more of the pregnancy tests lay on the table, all positive. She swore quietly to herself.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit." Her hands shook as she gathered the tests up and dumped them in the rubbish bin. She didn't know what to do, or feel, except for guilt. Impulsively, she decided to call Vincent. He was her best friend; he'd know what to say and do to make everything okay. With trembling fingers, she dialled his mobile, only to be greeted by his answering machine. She didn't bother leaving a message. Instead, she turned to the pasta sauce she'd been cooking and poured it down the sink, suddenly feeling ill. Common sense told her to lie down but instead she laced up her runners and forced her body to pound away on her treadmill, watching the sun sinking slowly. The rhythm of her feet on the treadmill was almost soothing and she pushed every negative thought down her throat.

_I'll cross those bridges when I come to them_, she thought hastily, and collapsed, exhausted, on the couch.

He lay there next to her sleeping body, wanting to drink every detail in. The hair that fell across her face, the hand that curled near her forehead (still slightly bruised), the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. Terri stirred, the brilliant morning light cutting through the window. It sent shafts of light across her bed, which led her to him...

"What have we done?" she asked sleepily, blinking. Suddenly she sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest. "What have we done?" she repeated, this time louder and more coherently. Vincent grinned.

"I can remind you, if you want..." he said, stroking her forehead. She shook her head silently, sitting up.

"Oh my God...Vincent, we—"

"I know." He'd been worried about this: the 'morning after'. She still looked exhausted, and he checked his watch. "Listen, Terri. Why don't we just have the day together, and talk about some things...I'm going to call in sick," he said. She nodded, pulling on her clothes quickly. "Why don't you just stay in bed and get some rest?" he suggested.

"I'm going out," she said, raking her fingers through her limp hair and sitting back down on the bed.

"Where? You still look pale," he said.

"Just out. For a walk. You can stay here if you want, there's cereal and fruit and stuff in the kitchen." Vincent was disappointed, and worried, that she seemed so distant.

"Well, maybe I won't call in sick to work after all," he murmured to himself.

"You're late again, Beaumont." Frank said dryly. "Look, I know you think that you can just turn up to work whenever it takes your fancy, and I hate to bust your bubble, but—"

"Okay, Frank. Just shut up." Charlotte cut in, instantly regretting it. "I'm here now so don't worry about it." She stalked off and Frank was left to snort in indignation, just as Vincent Hughes ran through the doors of the emergency ward.

"I know I'm late but I can explain," he began, formulating an excuse. Frank waved him away.

"I don't care, Vincent, but can you tell me what's biting Beaumont?"

"Sorry, wouldn't have a clue." Vincent shrugged.

In the staff lounge, Charlotte sat with her head in her hands. Fighting a wave of nausea, she concentrated hard on the ticking sound of her watch. She inhaled and exhaled deeply. Suddenly the door opened and Vincent walked in.

"Charlotte! Are you alright?" he asked, concerned. Charlotte almost looked worse than Terri had that morning: white-faced and weak—except Charlotte hadn't been involved in a car accident. She nodded, barely moving. She didn't even open her mouth.

"Come on, Char, this is the second morning in a row that I've found you in here all alone and looking like you've seen a ghost. Are you okay? You can tell me," he said.

"No, I can't, Vincent." she snapped, not lifting her gaze from the table. He laughed softly at her theatrics.

"Why not?"

"Because it has nothing to do with you!" she cried, standing up. Vincent was stunned. Charlotte felt dizzy and the staff lounge swayed in front of her.

"Hey—sit down," he commanded. She shook her head and walked over to the sink, where she splashed cold water over her face. She turned to face Vincent.

"I'm sorry, Vin. This is so embarrassing," she said, laughing. She was afraid that if she didn't laugh, she'd cry, and that would be worse. But Vincent remained unsmiling.

"I swear to God, Charlotte, tell me what's wrong. Whatever it is, I can help." He said, frustrated. She found his words hilarious in a sad way.

"No. No, you can't help," she said. "I'm pregnant." The words hung between them, unresolved. Suddenly Charlotte sighed. "See I knew I couldn't tell you this. I knew you'd take it badly, that's why I didn't—"

"Charlotte, I'm not angry with you. Kind of disappointed, maybe, but not angry. I take it Jack's the father?"

"How did you know?" she said sharply, clapping a hand to her forehead. "Terri told you, didn't she? How much time have you spent with her? You know, the thing with Jack, it was a one-off, a one night stand and it didn't mean anything..." her voice trailed off pathetically. She could feel her emotions finally surfacing. Vincent took her in his arms and silently she sobbed to herself.

"What am I going to do, Vincent? What am I going to do?"


	3. The Capacity to Love

Driving a few kilometres over the speed limit, Vincent almost missed her. It was only as he turned the corner that he saw Terri: sitting alone in a park, on a set of swings. She rocked back and forth aimlessly, her legs swinging slightly. He pulled over and she didn't seem to take any notice as he walked toward the playground.

"Terri!" he called and she looked up immediately. To his surprise, she smiled and he relaxed slightly. Taking a seat on the swing next to her, he wondered how he'd ended up in the middle of this mess between the two women he loved most.

"You walked all the way here?" he asked disbelievingly.

"It's only a couple of blocks from home," she answered, brushing hair from her eyes.

"But you've only been out of hospital for what, 24 hours?" he argued. She shrugged defiantly.

"I _can_ look after myself, Vincent," she said, turning slightly to face him and grinning. "Although I have to admit, I like it when you get all bossy." He wanted to breathe her in. He loved everything about her—the way her eyes were so expressive, her sense of humour and the way she seemed to accept challenges.

"So I guess we're okay, then?" he asked frankly. Terri glanced at his face. Her swinging was slowly grinding to a halt. She sighed.

"I guess so. I feel so confused. I don't know what to feel, really," she admitted. "I'd like to be angry with you, but there's no good reason for that." She paused. "I'd also like to do it again, but I don't know if there's a good reason for _that_ either." She shifted uncomfortably and her hands gripped the chains suspending the swing. Vincent tried to keep his face calm, although a smile flickered over his lips. He stood up.

"Terri, you know there doesn't always have to be a good reason for everything. Sometimes you can just do things because they feel right. There aren't any rules for relationships like ours…you have to stop trying to work out the logistics of this and just do it because you need to." Taken aback by the honesty in his words, she stood up and stared at him hard.

"Come on. I'll take you home. I have to finish my shift but I'll be home by five-thirty." She nodded, unable to speak, but wrapped her arms around his neck limply and allowed herself to be directed to his car.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Charlotte picked up the telephone receiver hesitantly. She punched in the familiar numbers before she could talk herself out of it.

"Hello, Terri Sullivan speaking,"

"It's me. Charlotte." There was a quick pause on the other end of the line.

"Oh," she paused again. "Hi." Charlotte couldn't tell if Terri was still pissed off or just genuinely uncomfortable. She took a deep breath.

"How are you feeling? Any better?" She asked conversationally.

"Um, okay. A little dizzy but not too bad. I should be back at work in two or three days."

"Don't push yourself. Nelson and Frank are covering your ass and though I hate to admit it, they're not doing too badly. Take your time." Charlotte advised, picking nervously at her cuticles. She rolled her eyes at her own behaviour. _Why am I so nervous? _she thought. _Oh, that's right. I'm talking to the woman whose ex's baby I'm carrying. Nothing major. _She winced at her own sarcasm. There was a break in the conversation.

"Listen, Terri, I'm sorry about everything—" There was a faint ringing sound.

"Look, don't worry about it," Terri answered curtly. "I'm sorry, but my doorbell's just gone. I'll see you soon, Charlotte."

"Okay. Take care." She hung up feeling slightly hurt. She could tell that things were still strained between them by the way Terri had just brushed her off. She glanced at her watch: it was five-thirty. Enough time to invite Vincent over. But he didn't answer his phone, or his pager. He always seemed so hard to contact recently. She sighed to herself and flicked on the TV, alone in her house and suddenly so aware of the silence that surrounded her.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Terri sat next to him on the sofa, her head cradled in his lap. It was two a.m. and they'd hardly moved from that sofa since he'd arrived. The mood between them was strange. Everything was so honest and Terri felt as though she were metaphorically half-naked; discussing things that were hard to talk about. She'd done a lot of that lately and to be truthful, she felt better for it. _Vincent was right when he said I needed to open up more_, she thought. It wasn't easy to do but she felt like she was slowly getting back to the frame of mind she'd been in two years ago, before Mitch had died. And yet, he seemed so distant and brooding. _Please don't let me have done anything wrong. Please don't let him be angry with me. I'm trying so hard to let go, and it's all for him. I'm trying so hard for him. _

"Are you okay?" she asked him finally. Vincent struggled to maintain his calm expression. This was all such a mess. He felt like he had to tell Terri about the baby—Charlotte's baby—but it was nothing to do with him. He wanted to comfort Charlotte. He wanted to be angry with Jack, even though he knew that it wasn't particularly Jack's fault.

"Of course. Why?" he answered, stroking her hair.

"I don't know. You seem quieter. What happened to that big passionate speech this morning at the park?" she laughed softly. He was so close to telling her. And then he remembered the fear in Charlotte's eyes that morning. He looked back down at Terri. She looked so happy and he didn't want to wreck everything he'd worked so hard for.

"Charlotte phoned me today. Just as you were arriving." Terri said.

"What did she say?" Vincent asked indifferently. She shifted in his arms.

"Nothing much. We only spoke for a couple of seconds. She just asked how I was. She said that Nelson and Frank are taking on my workload." Vincent snorted, feeling relieved.

"Frank seems more nasty than ever. He can't seem to speak highly enough of you when you're not around. It's all, 'The ward only ever runs smoothly with Terri' and 'I don't know how she puts up with this crap'. It's unbelievable."

"You're joking."

"No, I'm dead serious. He seems to think you're the best thing that's ever hit All Saints."

"Are you doubting that, Dr. Hughes?" Terri teased.

"I'm not sure. You're definitely the best thing that's ever hit me," he replied, grinning. Terri sat up.

"Look, Vincent…I know you don't like me analysing our relationship but if I can't ask you now, at two a.m., I certainly won't be able to tomorrow when I'm actually sober," she began.

"Fair enough." Vincent replied, yawning. Terri stroked his unshaven jaw, tracing the stubble up to his cheek.

"I just want to know…you know, where we stand. Are we just messing around and having fun, or is this something else?"

"What do you think?" Vincent asked, a little sharply. She pulled away a little.

"Oh, come on, Vincent. I didn't mean that—" she broke off and sighed. "I like things just the way they are. I like it that you make me feel needed. I don't feel sick or tired or upset when I'm with you." She paused. "So I guess we're doing more than messing around."

"Is that what you want?" He answered warily. He was feeling tired, and stressed, from keeping these secrets. He couldn't tell Terri about the baby. He couldn't tell Charlotte about Terri. He didn't want to make a wrong decision, or lie, or hurt anyone. He waited for her response.

"Of course. I mean, I'm happy."

"Then that's all that matters, isn't it?" He said lightly but somewhat hesitant, pulling her closer to him again.

"I guess so." She replied, equally light and equally doubtful.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Terri rolled over slowly to find the other side of the bed empty. The glowing green numbers on her alarm clock read 10:56. She reached over and retrieved a note from the pillow. A small square of paper folded twice; a message hastily scrawled in his illegible handwriting. She squinted with the effort of trying to decipher the writing.

_Terri,_

_My shift started at eight this morning but I didn't want to wake you. Sleep well and keep resting. If you need me, just phone. I'll talk to you later._

_-Vincent _

_PS—If you're wondering where the aspirin has disappeared to, I had to 'borrow' the pack. Seems we had more to drink last night than I thought, because I have a considerable hangover this morning…_

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Charlotte glanced at her watch, holding her mobile phone to her ear in the other hand. She was going to be late and she didn't have time to waste.

"Come on, Jack, pick up!" she muttered to herself. The phone rang out—'You've reached Jack Quade. I'm not here to take your call, but if you'd—'

She rolled her eyes. Even his _voice_ seemed irritating. She grabbed her handbag, locked her front door and ran to the car.

Driving to work, she planned what she'd say.

_Jack, we need to talk. Why don't you come over for dinner_…Sh!t, no, she thought. That made it sound like a date. Her mobile phone rang incessantly and she glanced at the caller ID: unknown. Relieved it wasn't Jack or Vincent, she answered chirpily, her voice brighter than she'd intended.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell are you, Beaumont?" Frank's voice said bad-temperedly. "Your shift started forty-five minutes ago and we're already understaffed. I swear to God, you better have a bloody good reason—"

"Yes, Frank. I had a flat tire," she lied smoothly. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Fine. See me in my office." He hung up abruptly and Charlotte was left to stew over her thoughts alone.

By the time she'd pulled into the hospital carpark, she was already feeling tired and lethargic. She splashed her face with cold water quickly and then made her way to Frank's office, closing the door behind her.

"Almost an hour and a half late, Charlotte," he said, not looking up from the paperwork he was busy with. She kept her patience. Frank treated tardiness like a criminal offence.

"I know. I'm sorry. But I had to phone the—"

"Never mind about the bloody tire," he cut in. Now he looked up at her, which only served to make her feel nervous and a little faint. "I want to know what's going on with this ward. Terri'd been looking clinically depressed for days before the accident. Vincent's completely out of it. You're not much better. The staff are getting bitchy and Jack's really starting to piss me off," he exploded. Charlotte felt the uncontrollable urge to laugh hysterically, even though she knew it wasn't remotely funny. "There's more sexual tension here in Emergency than in an episode of _Days of Our Lives_. Look, Beaumont, I don't want the nitty-gritties of it. I don't even want you to fix the problem. Just snap out of it, okay? You have a job here because you worked for it, not because you've being wandered around vaguely for the last ten years." She nodded silently and turned to leave.

"Oh, and Charlotte?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell Vincent to stop trying to cover for you."She stopped short, one hand poised on the door handle.

"He is? Covering for me?"

"Yeah, he is. You two aren't trying to balance a relationship, are you? Because—" Now Charlotte actually _did_ laugh quickly, a brief, sharp sound.

"What's so funny?" Frank asked, failing to see the humour.

"Frank," she began, in the tone of a teacher who'd been told to give a sexual education lesson, "Vincent and I _were_ married. Years ago, when we were both still finishing our Med. courses. We're not anymore. But we're still good friends and we talk all the time, so if he's making excuses for me when I'm late it's because we had the maturity to keep our relationship friendly." Feeling ten feet tall, Charlotte exited the office, holding her head high. For the first time in days she'd been able to give a proper, truthful answer, and it felt right.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x


	4. Bittersweet Sacrifice

The morning was cold. Drizzle traced down the windows of the cars parked in the lot at All Saints Western General Hospital.

"Nicholas McMahon, 56...gunshot wound to the lower abdomen." Cate called as she and Mac wheeled a patient into Emergency. Vincent and Frank exchanged glances.

"What do you think?" Frank asked as they wheeled the patient. Vincent peered again at the extensive wound, a bloody chasm.

"Just by looking at it…I'd say a temporary ileostomy."

"Big job, huh?" Charlotte asked, joining them. She answered her own question: "Damn straight, it's a big job. Perforated ilium…"

Back at the desk, Nelson breathed a sigh of frustration, the phone clasped to one ear. Regina waited impatiently behind him.

"Nelson, I know you're busy, but Frank isn't going to be happy if I don't get these—"

"Yeah, I know, Reg. Sorry," Nelson interrupted bluntly. "But I've been on hold for thirteen minutes trying to get hold of a Malaysian interpreter and—" His expression changed suddenly and he rolled his eyes, talking into the telephone receiver once again. "Yes, thanks…we need someone to translate English/Malay in the ED of All Saints…"

"Reg, I need you to contact the family of Nicholas McMahon. And have you phoned down to Radiology yet?" Frank demanded. Regina quivered slightly, then snapped back into composedness.

"Of course." A blatant lie; Frank only snorted.

"When are we expecting Sister Sullivan back? This place is chaos. I run an Emergency Ward, not an asylum." He strode away bad-temperedly.

"Ah, you've gotta love it," Von smiled dryly. "Always willing to point out the problem, never stopping to fix it." The ward _was_ chaotic. Paperwork was unattended to, mostly being attended to by Nelson and occasionally Frank. Ward staff were edgy and patients seemed to be entering thick and fast. It would only be a matter of time before people began to crack under the pressure. Suddenly the doors to Triage swung open and Terri walked in, fifty-two minutes late and seemingly dressed for work. Von, Nelson and Regina looked up simultaneously and Regina immediately began to babble hysterically. Nelson tuned out to her incessant chatter and studied Terri carefully. She looked okay. Not great, but okay. She was slightly thinner than she'd been before the accident, and she looked pale, but she smiled warmly.

"How do you feel?" Nelson asked, reaching over to hug his colleague.

"Great. I feel great," she answered with certainty, but he could tell she was lying. She didn't _look_ ready to come back to work. Suddenly he was concerned. Dan rounded the corner, carrying a patient's charts, and stopped short.

"Hey! Good to see you!" He exclaimed, then added, "Frank's going to have a field day."

"Frank will do nothing of the sort," a voice called out grumpily from his office.

"Nice to see you too, Dr. Campion." Terri answered amiably, walking to his doorway. Frank stood up and blinked as though he expected a mirage of some sort.

"Are you back here to work today? How do you feel?"

"I'm fine." Frank didn't see through her voice. He was more than thrilled to have her back on his staff, maintaining order and productivity in his workplace. "Sorry I'm late." He waved away her apology.

"Don't overdo it, okay?" He warned her, apparently concerned. Both Terri and Charlotte possessed the innate ability to bring out his softer side, and now sympathy showed on his face. Terri nodded, smiling, and closed the door behind her, finding herself face-to-face with Vincent.

"Terri," he greeted her, concern similarly plastered on his face. "You didn't tell me you were coming back to work today…how do you feel?"

"Listen, can we keep this down? And maybe talk in a place other than outside Frank's office?" she answered softly, walking directly toward the staff lounge. He followed her, much to the interest and amusement of the remaining staff still gathered around the desk—Charlotte, Nelson, Regina and Von.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Face burning, Terri closed the door swiftly behind them.

"Could you have made it any more obvious?" she said quietly, but angrily. She raked her fingers through her hair, pacing irritably around the room. Vincent was momentarily silent. "I'm fine. I appreciate it that you care. I'm thankful that you're looking out for me. But now there's going to be all sorts of rumours going around and I don't need that. Do you know what people will say? Terri's only just broken up with Jack. Now she's with Vincent. The ex-nun gets around." Vincent grinned and stroked her face.

"I think you're being paranoid." He suggested, still smiling as his hand caressed her face; his fingers traced down her neck…Terri was impatient and in no mood for romance.

"We never looked twice at each other until now," she said sharply, her blue eyes anxious. "People are going to notice everything." Vincent moved in closer, his hand finding the small of her back and pulling her toward him.

"Then we'll have to keep this professional." They embraced, so close he could feel her heart beating. Kissing him slowly, Terri almost gave into temptation. All her ethical ideas were fading, and a semi-familiar feeling ignited deep in her veins.

"This isn't professional," she whispered suddenly, pulling away. She adjusted her shirt and Vincent couldn't catch her eye. "…This isn't professional." she repeated, leaving him alone in the staff lounge.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Charlotte was walking toward her car, fumbling in her handbag for her keys. The end of another long day; her head throbbed dully and she was slightly nauseous. She just wanted to get home and crawl into bed.

"Charlotte!" She turned around to find Vincent walking toward her. She smiled and located her keys. Collapsing into the driver's seat, she rolled down the window. He leaned in close.

"How do you feel? I haven't spoken to you for a couple of days," he asked, genuinely concerned.

"Okay. No morning sickness, but by the end of the day I'm a wreck," she admitted. And then grinned mischievously, teasing him. "How's things with Terri? That was a pretty public display of affection this morning." He shook his head.

"I didn't mean for it to come across that way. I was just playing, you know, the concerned colleague. And now she's pissed off...was it really obvious? Does everyone else know we're together? "

"No. I was only joking about the public display of affection." Charlotte answered, smiling. Vincent nodded and looked relieved.

"Hate to change the subject, but…have you told Jack yet?" It was Charlotte's turn to soften.

"No. I've been thinking for days about what to tell him. I just don't know what to say. And it's hard to know whether he wants to be a part of this…" Her voice trailed off and she swallowed hard. A lump had formed in her throat.

"Well, you won't know until you've asked him," Vincent answered. Leaning awkwardly into the car, her tried to hug her. "I'll talk to you later."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

The house was quiet; a contrast to her hectic day. Charlotte dumped her handbag on the bench and contemplated Vincent's advice. Before she was consciously aware of doing it, she picked up the phone. She punched in Jack's phone number, ignoring the churning in her stomach and the lump in her throat that threatened to become a sob. Cupping the phone to her ear with her shoulder, she checked her watch. 6:08. She was hungry, but didn't have the energy to cook. Delivered pizza held a lot of appeal. So did hanging up before Jack answered.

"Jack Quade speaking." At the sound of his voice, her stomach turned to lead.

"Yeah, hi…Jack, it's Charlotte," she started, trying to regain her composure before he made a wiseass comment. "Listen, we have to talk. In person. Can you come over?"

"What, tonight?"

"Yeah." There was a pause and Charlotte cringed. She hated crawling to Jack.

"I thought we were over this whole thing," Jack said finally. Charlotte shifted uncomfortably; glad he couldn't see her face. Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks. She took a deep breath.

"Just do it. Please," she added, struggling to keep her voice normal.

"Okay. I just got home. I'll be there by 7:00."

"See you then." She hung up, hands shaking, and sat down hard on the couch. Taking deep breaths, she held her head in her hands. She showered quickly, changed out of her work clothes, and lay down on her bed.

She was awoken by the sound of her doorbell. _Shit. Jack_. She checked her reflection quickly for red eyes, and then opened the door.

"Thanks for coming," she said.

"No problem." He followed her into the kitchen and living area.

"You want something to eat? Coffee?" she asked, praying he'd say no. She felt sick, and a knot was forming in her chest.

"Thanks, but I just had one." They sat down, opposite each other, on couches. The blood was pounding in Charlotte's head. _Stay calm. This isn't anyone's fault. It's just something that happened, and now Jack deserves to know_.

"I guess this is about that night?" Jack guessed, prompting the conversation. There was no sidestepping or fooling around. Charlotte had to just say it. Just tell him. It was too hard.

"Yeah. Yeah, it is," she started. She had no idea what she was going to say, and it came out all wrong. She was trying to stay brave, and defensive, but it came out sounding apologetic. And she hated that; hated that it sounded like it was her fault and she had a reason to be sorry. "Look, I know the timing's really bad. And I know we said that we'd put this behind us and forget about everything but I can't. And there's a reason...and I'm so sorry, but…" She couldn't look at his face. She was so ashamed. At least she hadn't started to cry yet. Her brave façade was still intact.

"What? What is it?" Jack asked, his voice a little hollow. Like he already knew.

"I'm pregnant." There was an empty silence and Jack stood up suddenly and began to pace.

"Shit. Shit, shit. Jesus Christ," he said. "How could we let this happen?" Charlotte was suddenly angry with him. Her unshed tears and shame dissolved away and she felt pure anger. Whether they liked it or not, there was now a child involved in this. And it was their responsibility to make that child feel loved.

"I didn't mean for it to be like this," she snapped. Jack looked incredulous.

"What—isn't this what you wanted?" he asked, as though she'd planned the entire thing out.

"No. It was hardly my first choice scenario. But it's done now. We can't take it back," she said, the anger and resentment rising in her throat. Jack stopped pacing and stared at her. Hard. "We can't change it. And you know, one of us has to tell Terri. She has to know."

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Asked Jack, frustrated. Charlotte stood up to face him, so angry that her hands shook.

"I want an answer from you, Jack. I don't care if you walk away right this very second. But you have to grow up, and take responsibility." Her voice was raised. Jack looked irritated.

"It's a big thing, Charlotte. I can't think right now. I need go away by myself and think. Of course I'll give you answers. As many as you want. And I'll think seriously about the responsibilities involved. It's just…it's a big thing."

"Don't you think I know that? Of course it's a big thing. It's my life now," shrieked Charlotte, almost hysterical. Jack turned to go.

"You know what, this was a bad idea." He let himself out quietly, and Charlotte sank down onto her knees, exhausted. She picked up the phone, her hands still shaking, and dialled Vincent's number.

"I told him."

"How did it go?" Charlotte stared at the floor. Her chest burned and tears suddenly rolled down her cheeks.

"I can't do this," she sobbed. "I can't do this any more. I want to start again. I want to fix this mess." Vincent was silent on the other end of the line. "I'm sorry. I have to go," she said quickly through her tears, punching the 'off' button.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

When Vincent let himself into her house one hour later, she was fast asleep on the couch, an empty glass and bottle of white wine beside her. Tucking the blankets around the woman he'd once sworn his love to, he wanted to take her in his arms. He wanted to rock her back and forth and tell her that everything would be okay. Instead, he left quietly, locking the door with the spare key behind him.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

In her own house, Terri sat in the rocking chair that held so many memories of Mitch. She glanced at the clock: 10:57. She'd been waiting for Vincent for hours. He was supposed to have been there at seven-thirty. Sure, they'd had that disagreement that morning, but that hadn't been serious. She still thought he'd have come. Her house was quiet and listless without him. Her hands felt empty, with no one to hold. Terri wondered where he was. Holding a half-full glass of wine, she rose from her chair and went to bed, lying restlessly for hours more before she drifted off at last. Even in her dreams, she semi-consciously worried for hi s safety; wondered where he was and what he was doing.

Unbeknownst to her, Vincent was only kilometres away. He'd forgotten about dinner. In fact, dinner was the last thing on his mind as he drove away from Charlotte's house. He wanted to help her, but he knew her better than anyone else. Charlotte would wake up tomorrow with a fresh frame of mind. She'd go to Jack, assert herself, and feel better. Vincent smiled slightly to himself, just thinking of her. His mind wandered to Terri; her beautiful face. He wondered if she was still angry with him. Yawning, he felt so frustrated. There were so many problems, so much that he couldn't fix. And lately, control seemed to be slipping right through his fingers. As he executed a right-hand turn into his street, a fresh thought entered his mind.

Dinner with Terri. He'd forgotten.

He sighed to himself as he unlocked his front door. _Tomorrow's just another day_. He didn't believe it though. Tomorrow would be the same as today. Silently he prayed that one day, everything would be wondeful again.

In another house, not so far away, Terri had woken from her fitful sleep. She made a similar kind of wish, and pulled the bedsheet tighter around herself In her empty bed.


End file.
